what would happen if i did..

I wasn't accepted that accelly was him, the men that i tought loves me unitl the end of the world, who cheeted on me, i tought he was far away from me, for some reason he had to go, but everything was fine, he still was the kind  and the charming guy that i fall in love two years ago,  i toguht that the guy who did those things, who told me all the lies was someone else, i'v been thinking that it was like a different men, i never imagine that he could do me something like that, that someday i would be in a situation like this, talking about him, i  can't belive it yet.. i can't belive how he could did everything, how he could told me that the love that he felt for me was real, sincere, honest, how could he lived with something like this.? knowing all the truth..how could he not tell me anytthing..  how could he sustained the lie..?  i don't understand, if i love someone i don't lie to him, i don't lie about who i am.. becuase in this case if i do that. means that i don't love that person so much as i told.. 

when the heart knows it was in off

When you realize that you're stronger than you tought you was, that you're like a hero, to yourself, when you convince yourself that the only person that you need to love it's you, the only person that you need forever it's yourself, when you realize that if you're with you you are fine, and nothing else matters, when you are the only one who need to be ok, who need to walk again and step forward, when you turn around and you see that the worlds didn't stop becuase one tiny person got out of your life, that there is so much people around you, loving you , and so much more that you're going to meet someday, so much people that will love you so much more as that person used to, when you realize that everything it's going to change, everything it's going to be different for you becuase only for the perspective,  when you realize that the time it's over and now it's your time to go on and continue with the lessons that this person gave you, you're going to be avaliable and opento the new experiences that are waiting for you.

Now it's MY TIME TO SHINE.!!

..They speak.. they don't feel

It's very easy for everybody to say what should  do. it's very easy if you are not in the situation if your heart is not  the one how is in the game, the one how could be hurt or love, it's very easy say do this or do that, you don't have to, you have to, even for him it's very simple to tell me, i'm conffused because of you, i don't know what to do because you told me a thing yesterday and today you told me something totally different, i'm waiting for your desition then i'll see what i'm going to do, i mean.. WHAT.?? if you are the one how peased off, who took to the fuck this reltionship,, now it's my fault.?? tha is not fair, i was not that cheating on you.. now it's my fault? it deppends everything on me? i men . why if you want to get me bak.. you don't do anything,, after almost two weeks of the break, whhy  don't do anything yet.?  you want to convince me that you love  me, and you want to be with me and bla ba bla  why don't you do anything? ok so, you want me to tell you ok yes.! i trust on you again. everything it's going to be ok, you're right your words are in off, to me to know that we have to be together? ok let's get back together.! and then.??  what's going to happend after that.? we're going to be in same shit.? if you  really want me to stay you have already done something.! whatever but something, even a small thing a small action, SOMETHING.! i'm so tired to tell you what to do..  what i want.. what you should  do.. what it's the best.. what we need.. i'm tired for begging you.. to try to convince you.. i'm so tired of all, and i don't want to do it again , i'll never going to do it agan, if  you do something it's because you want, it's because you think it's what we need to rescue this love, this relationship, but if i don't see anything i'm going to my own way by myself, and probably you'll never going to know anything about me, so, please hurry.. i almost start to move forward. 

i tought we were fine

i love you, but I LOVE ME MORE.!!

This afternoon finally i knew it , finally i made him to tell me..  he knows, that all is his fall, he knows he was wrong, and this could never happend.

But now here we are after all of his desitions, maybe if nothing were happend, we could be still together, but our reallity it's different he did it, i'm hurt and i think it's impossible to back again together, my heart wants, i miss him, obviously i still love him ,so much .! but my mind it's screaming.. YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS.!!!!!! do you want more of his shit.? what if he do that again.? supossing we get back together .. how can i trust in him again? it's going to be difficult,  i think that won't  happend ever again, i never going to be confortable with him, i'm going to feel insecure of all the things he say all the things  he do, i never going to feel in the sky again because of him, nothing it's going to be as it was, i'm never going to be in love as much as i was, i never going to love him more than i do now, so in this case, for what.????? it's better to take each of us our different way and that's it, he didn't think in the consecuences of his desitions, so now he has to deal with it and get use to it .. 

i think S:

.. i have to accept

I'm waking up, thinking of all..  with a new idea in my mind,, in two weeks i was strong, ive been angry , know i'm here accepting that IT HURTS.! A LOT.!!!!!  i didn't imagine this could happend to me, that he ever do something like that, i tought he was nice , kind, i was very conviced that he love me.

How could you hurt the person that you love.?? it's not possible, it can't be!!!! it's mean, it's bad.. because in this case you DON'T LOVE HIM/HER AS WELL AS YOU TOLD.. 

.. too young to dumb to realize

So.. now.. here i am.. after two years,with  a broken heart, a lie on the air.. apologies and missunderstandings, and the question in my mind . WHAT I'M GOING TO DO NOW.? yes.! it's very lonely i'm felling very lonely,  i miss all the things that i had,  it wasn't much but those really made me happy, i'm right here in my room, felling like i'm going to be ONLY ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, and i't very scary and frustraring i don't know what is happenning, i can't understand what was my mistake, why all this shit things happend, how can i be so stupid to belive in something like that.. i don't know, anything about me, i don't know how i feel, i check my phone al the time, hopping a messagge .. a missed call.. i don't know proves of his life,  i know, i'm better now, my heart yeah it's broke .. but it's fixable,  my hope is the time, on those days of '' happiness'' even he was '' with me '' i was sad all the time, i was waiting for a miracle, i was desperate, it was on pain all the fucking time, i was waiting for things that i knew never gonna happend ..  i always trust in every word, in every action i thought you were sincere, honest, i didn't imagine, that all this stuff it's going to be from you,  i didn't expect something like this,  it's cruel of me .. but i want more apologies more confessions, more reasons to know that YOU'RE NOT MY ONE.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekzHIouo8Q4&feature=youtube_gdata